You and Your BP Sibling

I'm gonna do something a little bit different for the next couple of blogs. I usualy write about what i've found can help you with your bp, but for the next couple of blogs i'm gonna write about what i've found helps you cope with your siblings bp.It’s hard enough managing and coping with your own BP, but when you add in a sibling who has BP it becomes even more complicated. Just as it is with yourself there are days when everything is just dandy, and there are days when it seems like the house is going to explode from all the yelling and instability. If I had a nickel for every time my brother, who also has BP, and I fought because one or both of us were unstable I’d be rich already. Now I also have 2 brothers who don’t have BP so I know it’s normal to bicker with your siblings in fact if they/we didn’t bicker that would be more worrisome than bickering a lot. It’s a fine line between normal sibling rivalry, and unstable fighting, and as I’ve found it’s a line that’s crossed more often than not. What’s important to remember, although I always manage to forget is, your brother/sister who also has BP is dealing with many of the same things as you are. We know that, but it doesn’t always click. We both see each other as the sibling who has BP too, but we both don’t always take the time to stop and think about what that means. We’re both so focused on our own problems we either minimize or maximize each others. I’ve found it helps to stop and think about what having a sibling with BP means. It means your brother/sister has the same thing you do, and inevitably goes through many of the same things you do. What works even better is visualizing you as your sibling, because you both have at least most of the same problems. He/she is in a way you. So I know it can be difficult, especially if your siblings BP is more severe. My advice to you is to apply the golden rule. “Treat others as you want to be treated”. Just like you need some slack so do your brother/sister. So give as much as you know your going to need sometime or another. You might be surprised how far that’ll go.

Everyone Needs A Good Laugh

I truly believe everyone needs a good laugh as often as possible. I have personally found that two things help relieve my stress: 1. Crying 2. Laughing, now I don’t know about you but I would pick laughing over crying everyday. I don’t mean the ha ha very funny laugh, or the slight giggle either. I mean the loud, head thrown back, sides hurting laugh. That is what a good laugh truly means. When you laugh a good laugh for a moment you forget your worries and you can almost feel the stress being washed away, and with the way this world is I truly believe everyone should get to experience that as often as possible. With three younger brothers who love to clown around it’s not too hard for me to find something to laugh at! For those who don’t have as much to laugh at I strongly recommend reading the book Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid written by Gina Gallagher and Patricia Konjoian (A.K.A. the Shut Up Sisters). This book was co-write by two sisters with children who have Asperger’s and Bipolar Disorder. What makes this book unique is how they intertwine the seriousness along with the humor of the various situations. I guarantee they will have you bursting with laughter in no time. I would recommend this book to any and every parent of a child or teen with a mental disability, and I recommend reading it as soon as possible too, because I know you’ll find it every bit as enjoyable as I did.

Stress Factor

Stress is the one thing that each individual on earth has experienced. Scary right. For people with Bp it can be scary. Stress messes with your moods, and effects each person differently. For example when my brother is stressed he gets frustrated and angry faster, but when I get stressed I cry. The biggest stress factor for teens is school. Teens have to deal with the pressure at school from teachers to excell acedemically, and to get into college. Of course the mound of homework they heap on you doesn't help. Just that is enough to cause a teen without Bp to melt down. Then add in the pressure from your peers to "fit in" and it's a recipe for disaster. Here are a few tips I've found helpful to put out the fire not fuil it.

1. Seperate yourself from the source. If a teacher or class is causing a problem ask to go to your "safe room". In my previous blogs i explained what a "safe room" is, and that everyone should have one. The definition of a "safe room" is a place where you can go to cooldown no matter what. Somewhere or someone that calms you down. You can stay there until you defuse then go back, or stay there if you know going back will get you right back where you started.

2. Do something that you know relaxes you. Putting your head down on your desk and blocking out the problem while taking deep breaths may help if you can't physically leave. That is what my brother does when he can't leave class.

What I used to do when I got upset and/or stressed at school was to wait until I got home and then let everything out at once. I usualy ended up slamming my door and screaming into my pillow or venting at my mom. My mom suggested making a list of 10 things that I know calms me down and tape it to my wall where I can see it. Then everytime I get upset to look at it and do all 10 things on the list to calm down. That helped tremendously, and I strongly suggest doing this to anyone who gets uspet and/or stressed frequently. I'll list a couple things I put on my list that you might find helpful.

1. Count to 15

2. Take several deep breaths

3. Listen to music

4. Write down what I was feeling and why I was feeling it, and then throw it away

5. Think about something else

6. If possible watch a movie

Those are a few of the things I found helpful to relieve stress at home and at school. Some of them might help you, and some of them won't. The key is to find what helps you personally. I know I say that in almost every one of my blogs, but it's because it's important. Give them a try you never know.

How Do I Tell My Friends I Have BP?

So now you've decided to tell a friend of yours you have bipolar disorder. The next question you ask yourself is "How do I tell my friends I have bp?" For most people telling your friends is much harder than deciding to tell your friends. I know it was for me. I must have run through a hundred scenarios in my head. Do I tell my friend at school? Maybe on the way to class, or in the library. Do I tell my friend when I have a sleepover? Should I tell my friend over the phone, or on IM? There are countless ways to tell your friend you have bp. I recommend a face to face conversation. That way you can watch their reaction and answer any questions they may have. I found that worked best for me. But, however you want to tell them make sure it's a setting your comfortable in. You might feel more comfortable telling them over the phone. While someone else mat not. It's your decision and it's also your friend. Tell your friends the way you want to tell them. If they are a true friend they'll support you, and stick with you.

Triggers

I know that anyone and everyone with BP or other mentall illneses knows what a trigger is. They are the little things that set you off. Things that other people may not think are annoying, but drive you insane! For some it's a lot of noise, certain kinds of music, lighting, the way people eat, or even certain facial expressions. Everyone's trigger is different, the key is to identify exactly what your triggers are (and i say triggers because most people have more than one) and then finding a way to help you cope with them. That's especially necessary if yours tends to be a day to day problem. I know what works for me personally is listening to music. I listen to my music and drown out everything else. I focus on the artists voice, and let it flow through me so to speak. That might work for someone who gets bothered by a lot of noise. For example, my brother gets highly annoyed at my much younger brothers whenever they make a lot of noise, because noise is a huge trigger for him. What bothers him is the stuff all young little kids do, so it's impossible and unrealistic to stop them from doing what little boys do. The way he deals with it (after he's done shouting) is to go into his room and listen to his favorite band (sometimes louder than the rest of the family likes, but hey whatever works) that immediately calms him down. Like some people he is also sensitive to some kinds of lighting, he carrys a pair of sunglasses around with him so he can dimm any bright lights, and he almost always wears a hat, which helps shade his eyes. Eash person is different and what works for me and my brother may not work for you, but my advice is to try incorporating the things you like to do or hobbys you have to help cool you down when you feel irritated, or can feel yourself starting to get worked up. Also, try to think of all possible situations where there might be a trigger, and come up with a plan on what you or/and you parent can do to help you get out of the situation without too much damage done. Because lets face it, your not always going to be in your comfort zone when these things happen especially if your like me and they always seem to happen at the most inconvienent times, so what i recommend is to have an out. Figure out a way to tell your parents your gonna go into code yellow before you hit code red and they can help you, because from personal experience when you have a melt down its not fun for anybody. So, try out different solutions to your problem untill you find the right one, and don't stop untill you do. Because things always go smoother when everyones happy!

Should I tell my friends I have BP?

Your decision to tell others you have BP is exactly that, your decision. No one else can/should make it for you. No one should be forced into telling someone they have BP. Every person suffering from BP has to make the decision of wether or not to tell their friends at some point in there life. Its especially hard for teens to tell their friends they have BP. I guarentee every teen has asked themselves at one time or another "Should i tell my friends i have bipolar disorder?" i know i did. Many many times. Sometimes many times in one week alone. I was very self conscious about it, to the point where i would have anxiety attacks. In fact the first time i told a friend from school i had BP was after she wittnessed a minor melt down and asked me what was wrong. I broke down and told her everything which to my delight did not make her laugh or make fun of me, which had been my fear of what might happen, instead it made her more supportive and understanding. Ironically my brother was the complete opposite. He didn't care if everyone in the world knew. Which wasn't always good for me because he also didn't care if everyone in the world knew his sister had BP too. Thankfully my mother told him something which i think applys very well here. She said its great that your comfortable enought to let people know that you have BP, but that's how you feel. Your sister doesn't want anyone to know. If she wants to tell someone she has BP then she will, but she'll tell them herself. What i brought away from that experience is everyone is different. Some teens will have no problem telling their friends, while others may not want to tell them at all. Also, the way you feel may change as you grow older (or as your mood swings change). My brother and i switched places as we got older. Now he isn't as willing to tell just anyone he has BP, and now i obviously feel way more comfortable about it. To the point of wanting to tell other people instead of wanting to keep it to myself. It wasn't until i was older that i realized if the person i told was a true friend then i had nothing to worry about. If the person your calling a friend is a true friend then they will support you no matter what, and if their not and they do react negatively then it's their loss, not yours. But no matter what one thing never changes. The choice is yours.

New Beginning

Sorry, i haven't written anything in a while. I got preoccupied with school starting, and have been meaning to write something new. First i'd like to admit that for a while i wasn't even sure if i wanted to keep this blog up, becuase i wasn't sure if what i was writing was going to make a difference or if anyone was even reading what i wrote. Then i realized that i was being stupid! The whole reason i started this blog was so that i could help other teens with BP in any way i can, and no matter who reads this what i have to say is important and i can't do nothing when i know i can be doing something. So i'm back on track and planning on posting new blogs frequently. Just thought you'd like an update.